Believe, Act, Say Transformative Principal 467

This month, we are talking about Culture. If you are not part of the How2be coaching, I would love to have you join us. We focus on one aspect of how to be a transformative principal each month through a newsletter, a podcast episode, a webinar, and a coaching session. For more information, check out jethrojones.com/how2be. Today, we’re talking about Culture, and I’m going to use an example of a basketball coach who is building culture. Now, we know that we play sports to win. obviously, that is the purpose, but many people will tell you there are so many more reasons for playing sports. Health, fitness, exercise, team building, perseverance, grit, and so much more! That is all well and good. IF it was all about winning, then we would have a lot of guys in the NFL say, “You know, I’m done with this, since we didn’t win the super bowl.” Nobody hangs it up because they don’t win the super bowl in a given year. As a side note, Eric Weddle was called out of retirement to play safety for the Los Angeles Rams this year. He played 13 seasons in the NFL for three different franchises, and didn’t ever make it to the Super Bowl. But, he will be playing next week in that game for the first time in his 13 seasons and one bonus post-season. So, sports is about a lot more than winning. We know that, but we still focus on winning. My daughter is manager of the freshman basketball team. Her coach is teaching about a lot more than winning basketball games. ![[culture model.excalidraw]] Culture is about what we believe, act, and say. Let’s examine each of these. Believe What do we believe? In the sports example with my daughter’s basketball coach, he believes that all kids have value and something to contribute. He said 45 freshmen boys tried out for the team, and he could only keep 15, and even that is too much sometimes! (Although with COVID, it’s been good to have a deep bench!) But, he has my daughter as the manager. When I ask him how he thinks the game went, he always says some things are coming together. In a couple weeks, I’ll be talking with Lorea Martinez on this podcast about SEL and other things. One of the things we will talk about is that you cannot have thoughts without feelings. That applies here because what you belief will influence both your thoughts and your feelings. She also argues that we need to teach these skills explicitly. While that’s a great idea, kids will learn so much more from what we model for them than what we explicitly teach. Coach Mike is teaching the kids what he believes As is often the case in basketball, tempers can flare, especially with missed calls and bad calls by the referees. Act How we act matters, and it sets the tone for the culture that we have. Coach Mike does yell sometimes, but because he believes that everyone can learn, he is patient and usually calm. By having my daughter as a manager, he is signaling to the boys, their families, other teams, and the school that someone with a disability can contribute. It’s 2022! You’d think we wouldn’t have to constantly emphasize that, but we do. A couple weeks ago a boy went home and told his mom (who later told us) “I think Katya (my daughter) is the most popular kid. She knows everyone and everyone says hi to her!” My daughter is naturally outgoing and social, and loves everyone, and this strength of hers is compounded because she has found community. One particularly tough game, our team was getting slaughtered. A parent said from the stands, “Try a different defense! This isn’t working!” Coach Mike showed great humility in how he acted next. He nodded his head, and changed the defense the next time the other team had the ball. Mike modeled in that moment how to be coached himself. Inside, maybe he was fuming, maybe he was grateful. Regardless, he humbly acted how he should when someone pointed out what was obvious. I’ve seen coaches harangue their players when they do something wrong and then act incredibly defensive when someone criticizes them. In episode 470, coming out at the end of this month, Miriam Campbell touches on one of my favorite topics, which is teaching kids how to be adults. We are too shortsighted when we are preparing kids for the next grade level. That’s a waste of time. We need to teach them how to be the kind of adults we want them to be. Do you remember the Anti-drug PSA from the 80s? I learned it from watching you dad! How we act improves or impedes our culture. How we act teaches more than whatever we may teach explicitly. The “Do as I say, not as I do” and “Rules for thee, but not for me” idioms really do matter. People see how we act, and judge our culture based on that. Say What comes out of our mouths betrays what we believe and further emphasizes how we act. You can’t have awful things coming out of your mouth and think you’ll have a good culture. We also need to be honest, though. A vital part of coaching is identifying what someone is doing wrong. When we correct someone, we do need to do it...