#55: Video-Gaming is Causing Conflict in My Marriage... What Now?

"I am triggered by my husband’s video gaming. He denies it’s an addiction, yet in our 15 years of marriage, unless he’s totally abstinent he’s been unable to control it. I see that it creates many of the same effects that his porn addiction did on our marriage with the lack of connection, empathy, consideration, and fulfilling of responsibilities. It also perpetuates the same character defects in him, mainly avoidance of discomfort, the inability to self-regulate, lack of integrity, and it hinders emotional development and productivity. He asserts that it is a part of who he is and that it would be a form of self-betrayal if he gave them up at my insistence, and yet I feel like when he chooses to over-indulge in them, drags the kids into it and breaks house rules and limits we’ve agreed on -undermining my authority as a parent and setting a bad example for them, when he hides the fact that he’s playing them Instead of working, or even openly declares that he will not stop playing them despite my pleadings -despite my expressing how his playing video games undermines my trust and love and respect for him... when he chooses video games over me, I end up feeling betrayed all over again. He says my reaction to his gaming is the problem and drives his desire to play. He insists that the only way to develop a healthy relationship with video games is to not feel restricted or ashamed and then he’ll automatically only want them in healthy amounts... which logically makes sense, but we vastly disagree on our definition of what’s a “healthy amount” of video games. I just don’t see why he has to have a relationship with them at all when they’re so unnecessary and when it causes so much conflict in our marriage and distress for me. Am I wrong to be so distressed? Is it just my problem with them that’s causing the problem like he says? Is his assertion that it’s just part of who he is a valid argument? What is a healthy amount of video games for an addict? And lastly is it unfair of me to set boundaries around his video gaming and what would a good boundary look like?" We would love to have you as a guest on the podcast. Go to realtalkrecovery.com to submit your question and sign up! Join us at our 3 Day "Rising Son" Men's Conference, September 23-25 2021 in Logan, Utah. This conference is for men who are ready to step into higher-level recovery. Sign up on our website: https://risingsonconference.com Brannon Patrick | "The Expert": Follow Brannon on instagram @brannon_patrick. For more info, find him at brannonpatrick.com. Check out Brannon's Boundary Bootcamp on his website. Tyler Patrick | "The Wandering Therapist": Tyler is a co-founder Love Strong (lovestrong.com). Check out the Love Strong YouTube Channel for more therapy tips and skills and videos about WHOLEHEARTED living and Christian Based Recovery. Instagram: @love.strong.organization