#36: How Do I Change Unhealthy Family Patterns?

"How can I heal wounds inflicted by my father? When I was around 11 years old, I caught my dad looking at pornography. At the same time I was in the beginning stages of pornography use. In my young mind I looked at this as an opportunity to come clean to him about my struggles because I now knew that he struggled too. When I confronted him about it he denied everything. When I kept pressing he eventually admitted to me that he had been looking at it and that it was wrong and that he wouldn't do it again. He also told me not to tell my mom. he said that there are some things that we need to just take care of ourselves so we don't hurt her. Over the course of many years, I just kept diving deeper and deeper into my pornography addiction. I'm finally in recovery and I'm working my way through all the shame and bad habits. One of which is immediately looking for ways to hide things from my wife which i believe was taught to me by my dad. I recognize that there are some things that are not my fault but are still my responsibility. I feel like it's my responsibility to forgive my father for putting me in the middle of him and my mom, and to carry his secret for over a decade, but it's very difficult. I actually did an intake with you (Brannon) about a year ago and you advised me to talk to my dad about it and set boundaries. I told him that he needs to talk to my mom or i would because i can't carry the secret anymore. He talked to her and we have begun the process of healing. but I still struggle with opening up to him about anything. I can tell that he's trying and that its hard for him to see me not be so open with him. I know that he just wants to be a good dad. I feel like he is a good dad but I don't know what the next steps are to healing the relationship. It just feels awkward all of the time. If you have any advice or guidance on what I can do (as the child who was wounded) to heal the relationship, I would be very grateful. thank you." We would love to have you as a guest on the podcast. Go to realtalkrecovery.com to submit your question and sign up! Join us at our 3 Day "Rising Son" Men's Conference, September 23-25 2021 in Logan, Utah. This conference is for men who are ready to step into higher-level recovery. Sign up on our website: https://risingsonconference.com Brannon Patrick | "The Expert": Follow Brannon on instagram @brannon_patrick. For more info, find him at brannonpatrick.com. Check out Brannon's Boundary Bootcamp on his website. Tyler Patrick | "The Wandering Therapist": Tyler is a co-founder Love Strong (lovestrong.com). Check out the Love Strong YouTube Channel for more therapy tips and skills and videos about WHOLEHEARTED living and Christian Based Recovery. Instagram: @love.strong.organization